I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
