Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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