Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
