dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
