No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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