feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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