I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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