I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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