Too much gin, very little bucket
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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