She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
