I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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