I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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