I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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