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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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