Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
