i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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