Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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