he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
