Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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