Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
