Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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