one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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