TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
