I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
