so explain again why im purple
no
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We are all done wearing pants today
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
