gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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