32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
