Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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