what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize