Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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