I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
