I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
