how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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