3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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