So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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