I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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