I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
