no you cant smoke seaweed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
