That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
