So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
