Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
