just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
