Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
