90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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