Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
