Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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