you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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