i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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