I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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