Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
as a side note pls kill me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
