There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
