i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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