I think I am morally bankrupt
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
