She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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