omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
