from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
