They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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