You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
