o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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