Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
