the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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