we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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