Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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