just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're like the curious george of whores
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
