Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
