i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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