We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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