if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
