Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
