Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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