I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
