He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
