just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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