Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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