I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
