making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
