Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
