I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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