I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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