on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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